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Comparison
For a long long time, whenever I looked at another girl’s body, one of the first things I would do was compare myself to her. Her chest is bigger, but my thighs are smaller, but her arms are smaller… her tummy is really tight, she has better skin, blah blah blah.
A never-ending inner monologue, like a little devil person sitting on my shoulder pointing out all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough.
Comparison is a dangerous trap because it often always leads to feelings of defeat and sadness. In an attitude of comparison, there will always be someone who has what you think you need in order to be happy.
Appreciation
These days, I still find myself looking at other womens’ bodies. Yet there is a completely different monologue now. The little person sitting on my shoulder is no longer comparing, but is instead appreciating.
Yesterday at my yoga studio there was a girl in front of me who I couldn’t help but notice. She had the body of a dancer and her movements were so graceful and elegant. Her back muscles were so defined and she was incredibly flexible.
However, noticing these things about her body didn’t make me feel sad and depressed, it did the opposite. It made me appreciate my own body even more.
In the past I would have left the yoga studio wondering, “Why can’t I look like that?” but yesterday I felt inspired and ready to continue to add more grace and elegance into my own yoga practice. I felt excited to continue to challenge myself in my strength training, to increase the definition in my back muscles, and I was committed to focusing more attention to stretching in order to improve my flexibility.
Life in a bubble is no fun
I think that sometimes we believe that we need to live in a bubble, and to love our own body means we can’t notice anyone else. I don’t believe that.
I think that by noticing our surroundings, we are able to more clearly define what it is that we want and what makes us feel good.
How would we ever know what we want if we couldn’t look around and see the variety of options?
As I strive to challenge myself to greater and greater fitness levels, I ground that effort in a foundation of love and appreciation, not only for my surroundings, but also for myself and who I am today. I think that this love and appreciation is the most powerful motivation a person can achieve.
What do you appreciate in others that helps you to reach for new goals?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have struggled with comparison vs. appreciation for a long time. I would look at another girl and immediately think hundreds of negative thoughts about myself and I longed to have something that girl had. I always thought to myself, “if I look like that, then I would be happy”. I’m doing a lot better now than I used to with avoiding the comparison, but I feel I still have a ways to go. Negative thoughts are a hard habit to break.
WOW, I completely agree with this comment. I too admit I am always comparing myself to the women at my gym. I really need to start looking at their body’s in a different light. Thank you Shelia,very interesting topic. I’d love more posts like this.
Amen Sheila!! I had done this for a long time myself – not so much now. Maybe it’s the getting wiser with age thing – although I would have saved myself a lot of grief if I realized these things at your age ; ) – but I have finally learned to love my body as it is … I will never have long lean legs, but the rest of me is ok – which is fine… I’m happy, I’m healthy, I have a beautiful family, and yes, variety IS the spice of life -hugs you … really great blog!
You seriously hit the nail on the head with this post. I used to do this incessantly. I think over time I’ve been able to gain respect for my body and certainly after having a baby, you realize just how amazing the body is — in any shape or size. Now, when I look at people around me, it’s more of a puzzle or a mystery to me — and a quiet acknowledgment that we have our own “things” we wish were different. It’s funny how I used to think people judged me for this or that. Crrrrrazzzy!
Another great article. Thank you!
Thanks for the feedback ladies! Negative self-talk might seem like a tough thing to break, BUT it can be done, thought by thought, little by little. Granted, we all have our moments, me too.
I don’t really tell myself that the point is to try to be perfect and never have a negative thought about my body again… but instead to just be nicer to myself (and this one and only body that I have) and give myself the kindness that I deserve.
One of my favourite things to do is people-watch. I like just hanging out and watching the people go by, and marveling at how DIFFERENT we all are. There is beauty in everyone.
While I don’t think we should compare ourselves to others, I think that we can benefit from comparing ourselves to ourselves. For example, I’ve recently gained some weight that I KNOW doesn’t sit well on my body, and I KNOW that I can get it off because I’ve done it before. If there was an injury or pregnancy or other major health issue involved, then there might be more difficulty in getting back to the previous weight – but considering my age and level of health, I know that as long as I keep working hard at it, it should be feasible!